Thursday, January 11, 2007

What Happens Just Happens

I was talking to my ex via instant messenger this evening. This is something we haven’t done in a while...i.m. that is. It's been about a month since we've even talked really. It’s a long story as to why, but I think I posted about it here at the time. If not, oh well. Anyway, we are playing catch up and finding out what the other has been up to so far this year. And that’s when he tells me that he has big plans for June and July. I asked if he would finally be going to Spain, as he was supposed to go last summer for a couple months (a family illness prevented him from doing so). He grew up in Barcelona and has been wanting to move back for the longest time. Not surprisingly, he told me that, yes, he was going.

Further into the conversation, the topic steers back to Spain. He tells me that he is going to be there for a year at the very least. A few weeks ago, this news would have no doubt devastated me…just as it did when he told me the same thing last year. It could be that he’s told me so many times that he is going that, like his family and other friends, I just won’t believe it until he actually goes. I seriously doubt that, though. I’ve been the one person in his life that has been pushing him to follow his dreams no matter what (especially no matter how much damage it would do to me emotionally). Besides, he told me that he actually has the plane ticket, so I know he is really going this time.

So why am I not curled up in the corner balling my eyes out? After talking to Adam about it, I think it’s because I’m pretty much over him. Don’t get me wrong. I love him and will to the day that I cease to exist. But I’m moving on. I spent the better part of twelve months convinced that I would never meet someone that would evoke the same (or even similar) feelings he stirred up in me. And while there is nothing more than a friendship currently going on with B, in him I have discovered that I can feel the same way about another person. I’m in such a good place in my life right now, and I really hope that I can sustain this momentum.

2 comments:

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Good for you! Though it IS difficult and takes time, we all have to move on. And, YES, there are other people out there for you -- and likely someone even "better" than your ex. I've been down this road TWICE (being deeply in love and having it end and being devastated), and it eventually led to the love of my life. Everything happens for a reason. You're cute as a button and won't be single forever...not that there is a thing wrong with being single!

Daddy Cool said...

Yeah, I think it alls sounds very emotionally healthy. Good for you for recognizing it too.