Got It So Good

The moment that my ex cashed his half of the deposit check for the apartment we shared is the moment that I became free of him. While I didn’t know it at the time, he actually cashed it yesterday. It’s weird, because yesterday was an incredible day. I was on a natural high all day and couldn’t attribute it to anything. Now I know.

For those not in the know, my ex (we were together for three years and I ended it back in August of ’05) is an alcoholic Republican that has internalized homophobia. I allowed him to crush my spirits and self esteem, let him not only endanger my life but those of others (he would drink and then drive) and he scared away most potential friends (by getting drunk). He has attempted to kill himself twice since Memorial Day, and is now in treatment and AA out in California. Because I care for him, I wanted to help in any way that I could. However, I realized that he will only continue to suck the life out of me. With his last suicide attempt, I supplied his family with all of the information that he was withholding from them and then washed my hands of him. Actually, I started to. My mother still has a relationship with him, so she was up here caring for his dog and I was still waiting on the aforementioned deposit check.

To make a long story already short, I feel a renewed since of joy. In the past year, I have met the love of my life, made some incredible friends and I have changed so much (for the better). I think I’m the happiest with myself that I’ve ever been. Now I just need to find a man…I mean one that isn’t already in a relationship.

Track: Jamelia - Got It So Good